{7 week bump}
Fear of miscarriage.
That my baby isn't growing right.
That I might not be doing everything right to help this little one develop.
Fear of the unknown, where I'll give birth, where we'll be in the next few months and years.
I've never felt so fearful as I have in the last 7 weeks since we found out we were pregnant. It all really boils down to the loss of control. I can't control how my baby is growing, what will happen over the next 27 weeks or how my body will react. I can't control my husband's orders, when we have to leave loved ones here in Hawaii or which state I'll get to have my baby in. Rarely in my life have I been so out of control of the circumstances.
And it's been stretching me. And I've had to learn a lot about leaning on God. Because I have no control, but He has every control over each minute detail of my life (and yours). Several weeks after we found out about our baby, it dawned on me that I could potentially continue in this pattern of fear for the rest of my life and my baby's life. I realized that even if every detail of my pregnancy went smoothly, that it wouldn't stop there. I could fear for my child's life even after birth, when I have even less control, and I know that I don't want to live a life of fear.
If my Father cares about the sparrows that flit around outside my studio window, why do I find it difficult to believe that He is caring for our little one and that He is perfectly crafting plans for us? The thing is, I know this Truth in my head but sometimes it takes a lot of work for that to penetrate to my heart of hearts and to affect the way I view my circumstances. Lots of memorizing and re-reading Bible verses, long conversations with God and with Chris. And I think it's going to just be a continual struggle to cast aside fear and take on the peace that God wants so much for me to be covered in.
Do you struggle with fear? What are some ways that you personally find helping in choosing peace?
lindsay